Last week we discussed how God calls us to love Him first, above our families. This week I wanted to talk about the priorities within our families: that as moms we need to prioritize our husbands – even above our children.
I say this by way of confession: it’s easy to put my children ahead of my husband. They’re needier – and their needs are more urgent. They’re dependent on me and therefore sap my energy wholly. I know you know what I’m talking about. I remember when we first got married and before we had kids, it was a struggle to keep God first and not elevate my husband above Him. Now, in this stage of life, it’s sometimes hard to remember I have a husband!
Just kidding. (Sort of.)
I don’t think it’s a stretch to say we’re all familiar with this struggle.
Let’s take a step back and think about God’s design for the family.
In Genesis 2, God makes man and then says, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” So then God created woman – to be a helper (same word used in reference to God in Psalm 70:5, 89:19, 115:9-11, 121:1-2). This word ‘helper’ means counterpart, mate, sidekick. Literally, “a help at his front.”
How can we be the ideal helper that God created us to be when we’re too consumed with our little ones? If we’re not watching out for our husbands, how can we see what he needs help with?
Now, to be clear: being your husband’s “helper” does not equate to nagging your husband about every possible topic he could need help with. Proverbs 21:9 says it would be better for our husbands to live on the corner of the roof rather than live inside the house with us when we’re nagging! That’s just discouraging – and it’s not godly. Remember, we’re to use our words for building others up according to their needs (Ephesians 4:29).
After creating woman, God institutes marriage:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”Genesis 2:24
God’s will and intention for marriage is that it would involve two people – a man and a woman – and that they would separate themselves from their former families in order to become a unit in and of themselves. What this means for us today: you and your husband are partners, the O.G. Family Unit, the foundation and base on which our families are built. We shouldn’t forget that.
Also, one day your child will grow up, leave you, and form their own family unit. That’s God’s will and His plan for humanity. When we get our priorities confused and try to build our family unit around our little ones, what will happen when they leave our families and create their own? Either there will be dysfunction in both families, or there will be an aching gap left in the former family.
So, practically speaking, how can you prioritize your husband?
- Be conscious of who comes first. Sometimes all I need is a reminder: my husband needs me. Even if it doesn’t seem like he needs me – especially in comparison with how much my kids need me! – God created us to need each other and be one with our spouses.
- Pray for your husband. We pray about the things that are most pressing/urgent for us and those things that are top of mind. Make your husband a priority by praying for him. Check out this post about scriptures to pray for your husband, as well as the free printable below.
- Reserve energy for him. What I mean by this is to not absolutely kill yourself during the day with the kids so that you have nothing left for your husband by the time he comes home. If that means that the laundry doesn’t get folded and put away, but you get to connect with your husband, that’s worth it.
- Be a team. Especially when it comes to parenting decisions, fight to be on the same page with each other and be unified. Satan hates unity and harmony – he’s going to try to do everything he can to put you and your husband at odds with one another. Don’t let him! If your husband tells your child one thing, don’t go behind his back and do the opposite. Make sure you leave time to discuss some of the harder parenting decisions. Check out this great podcast by Risen Motherhood about making godly decisions.
- Keep in mind God’s long-term plan for marriage and family. Again, sometimes all we need is a reminder of God’s plan to help us prioritize our husbands.
- Go on dates. And don’t talk about the kids! They can be “stay at home” dates if you can’t find a babysitter, but make them a weekly arrangement where you have time set aside to have fun together.
What are some ways that you can prioritize your husband this week? Comment below!